Letters and Words
by quinnbeast
Summary: This is a continuation of the story AfterMath, but it begins a whole new story...in a way.
1. Default Chapter

*This is a continuation of AfterMath, based on the characters from My So-Called Life.

**Letters and Words**

**AngelaVO*** _When you think about the power of words and letters…it's really quite amazing. I mean, letters are just words on paper, but when you put like, certain words next to other certain words they become…something…something significant. _

"I can't believe no one even left a note!" Angela declared. 

"Well, I'm sorry! I thought your father would be here." Patty tried to explain as she unpacked the mounds of groceries she had spread around the kitchen.

"No one was here! Not even Danielle. How am I supposed to become responsible when like, you guys can't even be?" 

"Now, what is that supposed to mean? You don't think me and your father are responsible?" 

"Where is dad anyway?" Angela asked, finally starting to help her mother and ignoring her question.

"You know…"Patty became quite, "I don't know."

"I guess he's at the restaurant." Angela awkwardly stated. 

"Right…right! He is probably…there." 

The truth was that Patty didn't know where Graham was at that moment. He hadn't mentioned to her that he was going out or had anything to do at the restaurant. Not really knowing…made her uneasy. 

"Mom?" 

"Uh…what…yes?" Patty shook out of her daze. 

"Can I go over to Brian's tonight? And, before you say…" 

"Brian Krakow's? What for?" 

"Well…because…" 

"Because is not good enough, young lady. It's a school night, Angela. I don't know how many times I have bent this rule for you." 

"Mom." 

"Is there a test or assignment that you forgot to do? Because you can't rely on Brian to help you at the last minute all the time." 

"Mom." 

"You have to take responsibility for your own school work." 

"Mom! I don't rely on Brian…for like, my homework…ok? Gawd! I just…that's not the reason." 

"Then what is?" 

"It's just that…I mean," Angela sighed deeply, "I just want to like, _see_ him. Is that too much to ask? I mean, there is this thing…I need to ask him…if he has." 

"You just want to _see_ him?" Patty asked, slightly confused. 

"Can I go or not?" 

"Sure. Just don't stay too late." Patty said softly, still a little perplexed. 

**Brian VO*** _I still couldn't get used to the fact that like, Angela…had started coming to my door…for like, no obvious reason. _

"Hi…hey." Brian said awkwardly, opening the front door. 

"Hi." Angela repeated, "I was just…you know…" she looked around nervously. Brian's eyes narrowed on her, trying to figure out what she was about to say.

**Brian VO*** _Angela had this way…of like, being. She can never just get to the point…of things. It's like physically impossible for her, I think. Her words probably dance around in her head until she finds the right one, but her mouth continues to speak anyway. At least that's how I always thought about…her. It's really sorta…endearing._

"I wanted to see if…if…are your parents home?" 

"You wanted to see my parents?" Brain asked, confused. 

"No…I mean…I just wanted to see if it was alright if I came over…or whatever." 

"Yes…yea!" Brian stated, almost too enthusiastically. "I mean…it's fine. They are like, not here anyway, but I mean even if they were it would be completely fine." 

"Are you busy?" 

"No! No, I mean I have homework but I can do that like…later…much later." 

"Well, you know that book we're reading in English?" 

"The Scarlet Letter?"

"Yea…you have the movie of that…right?" 

"Right, Yea…I do, but you should really read the actual like, book you know?" 

"I was wondering if you wanted to watch it…with me?" Angela asked awkwardly. 

"Uh…oh…really?" Brian asked, surprised, "Like, right now?" 

Angela nodded. "But if you think I should really read the actual book…I guess I can." 

"No…you know…the book is like, long and some parts are poorly written." 

"Really?" 

"Yes…yea!" Brian nodded desperately, "Everyone should watch the movie anyway. I mean, it's got Demi Moore in it." Brian pointed out, taking a deep breath. His face contorted, knowing his argument was weak. 

**Brian VO*** _Am I sounding too obvious? I am…I think. I am just way too obvious. _

**Angela VO*** _Before…Brian's bumbling speech always, kinda got on my nerves. I don't know why it's almost impossible for him to complete a coherent sentence. He can never say what he actually means like it's this…mental disorder he has. It was starting to like…not bother me. _

"I think that movie is in my mom's office." Brian stated. 

"Your mom…has like, an office…_here_?" 

"Yea…" Brian admitted, "Doesn't yours?" 

"What are you doing?" Brian asked as he watched Angela go over to his mother's desk and look over some files that were in a pile.

"What is this?" Angela opened one of the files.

"Hey! Wait…Angela. You can't do that!" 

"Why?" 

"Because those are like, my mother's files…of patients I think." 

"She just leaves them out?" 

"I don't know! I mean…those are personal. They're **official**! It's wrong to even like, look at them! It would be breaking an oath or something!"

"Oh my God!" Angela whispered. 

"What?" Brian raced to her side and began reading the file she was holding. Angela looked at him hypocritically. "What?" he repeated, this time to Angela. 

"Brian, you're right! We shouldn't be in here." Angela smacked the file shut.

"What? _Now_ you think I'm right? What did…what did it like…say?" 

"No…Brian…it's personal." 

"Listen, it's my parents office. If anyone has a right to know…it's _me_." 

"Ok…ok…but you have to keep it a secret…like seriously secret, Krakow." 

"What does it say?" Brian persisted. 

Angela opened the file again. Brian took the paper from her hand and held it up. Across the top line, in print, was the name Enrique Vasquez. 

**Angela VO***_ I know it was only like, a word on paper…just one word or name, but it was…you know…powerful. Words on paper can like, change the way you see people. _


	2. Thaughts and Faults

**Thoughts and Faults**

**Angela VO***_ I always wondered what psychiatrists want to hear when you meet with them. I mean, do they want to hear everything? Like, since I'm thinking this…do they want to hear about it? Like they should even really care what I think about…anyway. I guess that's why they get paid...like alot._

"So, what do people talk about with your parents?" Angela asked suddenly, waiting for the first bell to ring. 

"I don't know. I haven't actually sat in on one of their sessions." 

"Can you like…do that?" 

"No! That's the entire point!" 

"I just wonder you know…what Rickie has to say to a psychiatrist. I mean…I hope he's ok and everything. Maybe I should…I don't know…talk to him." 

"No! Angela…you have to promise me you won't say anything. That would be bad…it would be really bad." 

"I know." Angela sighed. 

**Angela VO*** _I did know. I just wanted to really know…you know? _

"Have you like…said anything to Catalano about…about…us?" Brian asked nervously.

"No…not exactly. I've been waiting for the right…the perfect moment. Why?"

"I have tutoring with him. How am I supposed to like face him? Maybe I can pretend like…nothing's happened…just like not talk about it. Maybe I should go home sick because I'm starting to feel a little nauseous. How could you have gone this long without saying anything? Are you _planning_ to talk to him?" 

"I will talk to him ok? It's just…I don't know what to exactly say." 

"Say_...'I'm sorry Jordan but I've moved on. You were never good enough for me anyway.'_" 

"Don't tell me what to say, Krakow." Angela cringed. 

"Sorry…do you want to talk to him during tutoring? I mean, because you can just fill in for like, me. It wouldn't be a problem if you wanted to just use that time." 

"Maybe…ok." 

The bell rang. Angela and Brian glanced at each other, unsure what to do. Brian awkwardly and quickly leaned into Angela and kissed her, then kissed her again. 

"WoooHooo! Krakow!" A passing, male voice called. Brian immediately pulled away, blushing. He gave a perturbed look and went on to class. Angela put her hand up to her lips, shielding them, feeling them. 

**Angela VO*** _It's funny how there's these parts of people…like split personalities…that you never knew could exist. And, you wonder if that part was obvious all along…you just never bothered to notice. _

************************* 

"Angela!" 

"Yea?" Angela turned to find Rickie, "Oh…hey Rickie."

"Angela can I like, ask you for like, a huge favor?" 

"Sure! Anything! Rickie you can count on me for anything. You know that right? I mean, whatever it is you can talk to me." Angela tried to explain.

"Ok…great." Rickie said slowly, confused. "I was wondering if during the play…like, opening night…you could volunteer to pass out pamphlets at the door…to like people coming in. Do you think that's like…possible at all?" 

"Of course." Angela shook her head as if she had prepared herself for a more significant favor. "Of course that is no problem." 

"Great!" 

"Rickie? So, how is everything?" Angela asked cautiously. Rickie looked at her curiously. "I mean…with the play and all? Is it going all right?" 

"It's going fine! I mean…never better!" Rickie noticed Delia walking in the opposite direction. "I better go…I'll talk to you later, Angela." Rickie quickly left, giving Angela a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"Ok." Angela quietly said to herself. 

******************************* 

Brian walked into the boys bathroom and up to a urinal. Before he could get his fly unzipped he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"Hi…Catalano…uh…aren't you supposed to be at like…tutoring?" Brian asked shakily, trying to remain casual. "Because…I mean…I'm supposed to be there too but there was going to be like…a trade off today…so if you're wondering." 

"Brian…shut up!" Jordan ordered. 

**Brian VO***_ I didn't know if I should scream, run or what. I mean, I've been pushed around before but I've never actually been in a fight. And, to be honest…I really don't know how to like…even throw punches. My father's more of a documentary man. We never watched sports or even participated in anything remotely similar to like…male bonding. _

"Why didn't you say anything?" Jordan asked while walking toward Brian who was moving backwards. 

"Say anything?" 

"Why didn't you tell me you had feelings for her?" 

"Excuse me? You like…never asked." Brian tried to explain, his voice slightly cracking, finally running out of room to back away. 

"Why did you help me?" Jordan lightly shoved Brian into the wall. 

"Are you wanting to like…fight or something?" Brian asked awkwardly…nervously. 

"No!" Jordan yelled, making Brian flinch, "I just want to know why you wrote that letter for me to give when you wanted to give it to Angela yourself!" Jordan yelled. 

"Listen…" Brian sighed deeply, "She didn't want a letter from _me_! She wanted one from _you_ and I was tired of seeing Angela's heart broken by you! It's not my fault you kept messing it up and it's not my fault that she found out…everything. Why do you have to treat her…like you do? You have like, no…no respect for other people's feelings, Catalano! So…beat me up if you want…it's not going to like…change things." 

Jordan turned his back and stood frozen for a few seconds. Brian looked around the room anxiously a little surprised he had been so honest with Jordan. 

**Brian VO*** _I think I just threw a punch. _

"You're right." Jordan muttered, walking away. 

"I'm right?" Brian repeated, taken back a bit. "About what…which part?" Brian yelled after him. Alone again, Brian sighed, every muscle in his body relaxing at once. 


	3. Knowing Everything

*This chapter is written with all Brian VO's...no Angela VO's...sorry.

**Knowing Everything**

**Brian VO*** _I always feel I'm the last to know about…well…everything. It's a bit unsettling. I don't know if I mentally block out things or if I'm just not important enough to know when they happen. Like, things could happen everyday at this school without me and it would be fine…and they do. Of course, their photos wouldn't make it into the yearbook..._

"What's going on?" Brian asked as he stepped into the crowded classroom. It was the end of the day and it confused him to see a huge group of students just beginning to gather.

"Oh…Brian…hey!" Rickie said over his shoulder as he passed out papers to the entering students. "We're having an organizational meeting about opening night of Our Town." 

"Wow, you're like…really getting into this play thing aren't you?" 

"Well, Mr. Katimsky has like put a lot of trust in me to get this rolling and…I don't know…it's nice. I don't want to disappoint him in like…any way." 

"Hi, Rickie." A sweet voice said, "I sold all the tickets you gave me. I could sell a bunch more." Delia announced. 

"You know…we're already sold out for opening night but, we might still have some left for like…the last week. I'll have to check." 

"Great!" she smiled, "Are we still on for tomorrow night?" 

"Looking forward to it!" Rickie kissed her cheek and she kissed his, forcing Delia to look in Brian's direction. 

"Hi." Brian said awkwardly. 

"Hey." Delia said dryly as she turned and left. 

"Will she ever stop hating me?" Brian asked deflated. Rickie didn't know what to say. He sympathetically tilted his head and shrugged. "So…is like everything going ok…with like…life?" Brian continued.

"What's up?" 

"What do you mean?" Brian asked defensively. 

"Angela asked me like…the very same thing, earlier…in like the very same way."

"Oh. I don't know…" Brian laughed nervously. 

"You two are perfect for one another." Rickie shook his head. 

**Brian VO*** _Like, someone else noticed. _

"What?" Brian asked pleasantly surprised at the comment. "Like…me and Angela?" 

"Who else?" 

"Well, I…" Brian began to blush, "Well since I almost got beat up by Catalano in the bathroom earlier…I don't know if it's like worth it…you know?" 

Rickie laughed out loud. He laughed so strongly almost every other student in the room stopped and turned his way before continuing with their conversations. Brian just stood there dumbfounded and stiff. 

"I guess that is pretty ridiculous isn't it…to like say…it's not worth it?" 

"Yes! Totally!" Rickie blurted, "Stop playing so tough Krakow." 

"Tough?" 

**Brian VO*** _Me and tough have absolutely nothing in common. We're like strangers who want to have nothing to do with each other._

"You know what I mean. You're always acting like you don't care about things. I know you do. You like…care to a ridiculous degree. At least about a certain girl we both know." 

"When did you get so perceptive?"

"I don't know." Rickie smiled and tilted his head. 

**Brian VO*** _The thing was…I did know. I think I knew. It was all written as little notes and stored in a file at my house._

"Speaking of Angela…she is due at this meeting. I wonder where she is? Do you know?" 

"I don't know. How should I know? I mean…she's supposed to be here?" 

"Yea…hey…you want to volunteer to pass out pamphlets during opening night?" 

"I don't know." Brian shrugged, "I was kinda thinking about asking Angela to go with…me." 

"Angela volunteered." 

"I'll volunteer." Brian nodded, bluntly. 

"Brian!" Angela called from the doorway.

"Oh hey…I was just volunteering to pass out pamphlets at the play…but not because like…you are or anything." 

"Did you write me another letter?" Angela asked holding a letter in her hand. 

**Brian VO*** _What am I supposed to say to that? I didn't write another letter. Was I supposed to write another letter? Who wrote her another letter?_

"You got another letter?" Brian asked, swallowing hard. 

"Yea, it was in my locker just like before." Angela held out the letter to Brian and Rickie. 

"Have you like…read it? I mean…" Brian tried to ask as he opened the folded, crumpled letter. 

"There isn't a name." 

"You mean it's anonymous." Brian tried to correct. 

"Oh no!" Rickie blurted.

"What…Rickie? Do you know something?" Angela asked.

"Angela…I tried to stop it. I mean…I really tried! It was just outta my hands…you know?" Rickie squirmed. 

"What are you talking about?" Angela persisted. 

"This spelling is atrocious! Is this person even in high school?" Brian said…mostly to himself. 

"You know I have like…no control over certain situations…right?" Rickie continued. 

"Rickie…just tell me! Do you know who wrote it?" 

"OH MY GOD!" Brian declared, "They didn't even spell your name right! I mean…is this person literate?" 

Angela's eyes widened on Rickie. "Is it?" 

"Rayanne!" Rickie said. 

"Rayanne?" Both Brian and Angela blurted together. 

"She saw how that letter Brian wrote you affected you so much and well…she just wants your like…forgiveness, Angela. I think she really misses you." 

"And she thinks using sentences like _"Everyday without you is like a day without the sunshine."_ will work?!!! I mean…well for one…the grammar is all wrong. Two…how generic can you get?" 

"Krakow…shut up!" Angela declared as she grabbed the letter from his hand. 

"What?" Brian asked innocently, watching Angela walk away. "What?" he repeated to Rickie. 

"Brian, maybe…like…you need to work on your boyfriend skills." Rickie sighed.

**Brian VO*** _Well, the fact that Rickie just called me Angela's boyfriend…is like…a good sign. But, this letter thing…I mean…I don't think I ever prepared myself for like…being Angela Chase's boyfriend. And the fact that it's perfectly clear to like…Rickie and not me is…well, typical I guess. I am the last to know everything. Angela could break up with me and I'd probably be the last to know that too. Which I hope isn't the case. _


	4. Sum of Inactivity

**Angela VO*** _I've never understood why it's so much easier to write things into a letter rather than just like…say them out loud to the person…but it is. I guess it takes the pressure off of thinking of the right words on the spot. Therefore making it seem like you know exactly what you mean. When in actuality…I think you never know what you really mean because you can never plan out what the other person will say or do. With a letter you can write whatever, open your heart up and after you give it...you don't have to deal with the reaction immediately like…directly. Which is nice in a way._

"Why are you walking?" Brian huffed, running up to Angela who was walking along the sidewalk away from school. 

"Because I want to go home." Angela stated directly. 

"I mean…why aren't you taking the bus?" Brian asked. Angela only shrugged her shoulders. "Are you trying to avoid me or something?" Angela continued to walk as Brian followed. 

"Why does everything have to be about you, Krakow? Maybe I'm walking because I want to think."

"Well, what do you have to think about?" he asked innocently. 

"What do you mean…what do I have to think about?" She laughed anxiously, "Like, I have a lot to think about. How could you even ask that question? I mean, there's Rickie who we've just discovered is seeking professional help…" 

"So? A lot of people see a psychiatrist." 

"There's Rayanne and her letter." Angela continued, ignoring Brian.

"I mean…he seems fine to me." Brian continued ignoring Angela. 

"Then there's Jordan who…who like I haven't spoken to in days because I am too afraid to like…face him. I don't know how to face any of this!" 

"He seems really well adjusted actually…with the play and everything…almost happy." 

"So…I have no idea how you could even come to the conclusion that it's like…surprising that I have like…things to think about!"

"Chase! What?" Brian finally questioned. 

"Huh?" Angela stopped and asked, neither knowing what the other was talking about. 

**Angela VO*** _Krakow had this way of totally irritating me while remaining completely naïve to it. I never knew if he was ever conscious of it or not. Like…he knew what it was doing to me. At the same time he seemed totally sincere. I could never understand that. _

**Brian VO*** _At that moment…all I wanted to do was like…kiss her. But, maybe…**now** would be inappropriate. _

"Speaking of like…Rickie…" Brian awkwardly tried to continue. 

"I wasn't talking about Rickie." 

"He said something pretty funny. I mean…I don't know if you'd consider it funny. Maybe you would but I thought it was more interesting…if anything." 

"Krakow!"

"I hate it when you call me Krakow." 

"Why?" 

"Because you say it…when like…you're angry or upset with me." 

**Angela VO***_ Maybe he's right. I've never really thought about that._

"So…so what did Rickie say?" Angela asked sincerely. 

"He like…called me your boyfriend. I mean…it wasn't direct. He didn't directly call me your boyfriend but it was like…implied. Isn't that funny?" Brian laughed awkwardly, watching Angela continue to walk with no obvious expression on her face. "Or is that like…too weird? Or…what is that?" 

"I mean…I guess that's weird, funny or whatever." 

"Chase?" Brian stopped, unsatisfied with her indirect answer. "I mean…" Brian sighed, looking down at the cracked sidewalk. "Am I you're boyfriend? Is that what _this_ is?"

"Are you my boyfriend?" Angela repeated. 

**Angela VO*** _Is Brian Krakow my boyfriend? I've never really thought about it like that…with like titles. Maybe because for so long I wanted Jordan to be my boyfriend and he just…wasn't. So, to have an actual boyfriend and not have it be Jordan was weird. _

"I don't know…" Angela admitted softly. 

"You don't know?" 

"Well, I mean…I haven't thought about it…ok?" 

**Brian VO*** _How could she have NOT thought about it? When I've thought about it for like…my entire life._

"God, Angela!" Brian shook his head.

"What?" she asked. They were now standing in front of Angela's house. 

"I like you!" Brian stopped and took a breath. 

**Angela VO*** _He was getting upset. He's searching for the right words. That's the thing with Brian…he always thinks he needs to find the right words when he usually ends up saying the wrong ones. I mean…it was now obvious! I could tell he was searching. _

" I mean…I like you a lot! And…and I guess I thought during the last few days…you liked me too. So, what am I supposed to like…say to you when you haven't even thought about it? You haven't talked to Jordan! And you keep receiving letters from anonymous senders!" 

Angela's mouth began to curve into a slight grin. "Are you jealous of the letter I got?" 

"What? No!" Brian immediately protested, "So…so…so what if I was?" 

"It's from Rayanne!" 

"So? I'm not jealous…ok? It's just the fact that you haven't thought about this…or us…and I'm supposed to act like that doesn't bother me? I'm not jealous. I just…I just don't understand you, Chase. You are the sum of inactivity." Brian sighed, defeated by being so honest. 

**Angela VO*** _The sum of inactivity? _

"Where are you going?" Angela asked, watching Brian walk away. 

"I'm going home." Brian snapped. 

Angela sighed. 

******************************* 

**Brian VO*** _The truth was…being Angela's boyfriend was unbearable because she is the queen of indecision. Totally impossible! Who am I kidding? I would love to be Angela's boyfriend. I just can't like…admit it. _

Brian lay against his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had gotten dark out and he was pondering the conversation he had earlier with Angela. "I'm still obsessing!" he declared to himself. At that moment he heard a knock on his bedroom door, startling him. "Go away mom! I'm working!" The door slowly opened and Angela popped her head around the edge of the door. 

"Hi." She said sweetly. 

"Hi! Hey." He repeated, standing up quickly. "What are you doing here? You haven't been over to my house this often since you were little." 

"Brian…I…I know I've been over a lot lately." 

Brian's eyes narrowed on her. "Is that what you came over to tell me?" 

"No…I mean…I've been over a lot lately because…because I've started to really like seeing you. And, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry…that I made it seem earlier…that I haven't thought about _this_ and you. That isn't fair because I've like…thought about it a lot!" 

"You have?" 

"And, though I might not have thought about you as my boyfriend, yet…I definitely…I consider you my best friend." 

"Chase?" 

"And, maybe that's better…you know?" Angela continued slowly approaching Brian who stood awkwardly in front of his bed. 

"Does that mean…" Brian began. 

**Brian VO*** _Does that mean…I mean…is she giving me the "Let's just be friends" speech? _

Angela grabbed the oxford blue collar of Brian's shirt. Staring down at her perplexed for a split second, she gently pulled Brian into a kiss. Kissing deeper than they had ever kissed previously, it took a moment for Brian to fully realize what was happening. Not expecting, Brian lost his balance and they fell against his bed. They both smiled as they sat up. 

"Angela…" Brian felt like he should say something. Staring, his eyes glazed, he couldn't think of anything. 

They kissed again and their breathing began to quicken. Not quite sure where to place his hands, Brian placed them at his side, a little afraid to touch her. Pushing forward, they both fell back down to the bed. 

**Angela VO*** _I didn't know what was really happening…but I didn't want to stop it either. Maybe, I hadn't really thought about Brian as my boyfriend before...but it was now clear that's what I wanted him to be._

With their legs still hanging off the side of the bed, Brian was now resting partially against the wall and partially against his pillows as they continued to kiss. 

**Brian VO***_ It was like…I couldn't stop kissing her. She was letting me or maybe in a way she was leading me…I don't know. All I knew was I could not stop. _

Then the bedroom door opened. "Brian?" 

Angela and Brian quickly seperated. "Mom!" Brian declared. 

"Uh…maybe you two should come downstairs." Bernice said, leaving them alone again. 

**Angela VO***_ Being caught making out is the strangest thing…especially by someone else's parents. It makes you feel like you've done something very wrong…like…you've come into their son's bedroom wanting to start something while he remains innocent...or something. _

Both Brian and Angela looked surprised…not only by being caught but by each other. 

"Oh God." Angela moaned, resting her face into Brian's shoulder. 

"At least my parents think I'm like…a healthy teenage boy now." 


	5. The Day to Face Things I

**The Day**

**Angela VO***_ I put things off. I know it's like…a habit of mine…procrastination that is…but today is the day. Today is the day I am going to like…face things._

"What do you mean Rayanne didn't come to school today?" Angela asked a tone of disappointment in her voice. 

"I don't know…I don't think she's sick or anything but I haven't seen her all morning." Rickie stated, "I hope it's not serious because final dress rehearsals are tonight. Oh my God…I hope she shows up. Maybe she's just skipping morning classes. She does that sometimes." 

"Does she?" 

"No, not really!" Rickie cried. 

"Rickie…this could be bad…you know?" 

"No…I have to trust her. I have to like…have faith that she's not doing anything to render herself useless. I promised her I would trust her. I promised myself that I would, in no way, doubt her…because if I did, I would like…get absolutely no sleep." 

**Angela VO*** _It's weird to know a secret about someone and not have them know…you know. I wanted to tell Rickie that it would be fine but I wasn't sure about that. I wanted to tell him that if he needed to talk to someone…he could talk to me but I didn't know that for sure, either. _

"Angela, you have to talk to her." 

"But…she isn't even here today." 

"We have to find her." Rickie explained, "Even if…even if she isn't doing anything wrong…you guys need to work your problems out. I tried not getting involved or picking sides…but I can't be like…the neutral guy forever…you know?"

"Rickie?" Angela began quietly, "Have you ever had something really important you wanted to share with someone but the thought of sharing it…scares you…because you don't know if the other person will understand or even like…cherish it as much as you do?" 

Rickie just looked at her for a moment…speechless. "Angela…I understand…completely." 

"I have so much I want to share with Rayanne but it's like…we've let too much space grow between us." Angela began to cry, tears filling her eyes and her chin trembling. "I know she's sorry and I know I want to forgive her because now…it's like what she did doesn't even matter any more, but it's like we've changed too much." 

"I don't know a lot but I do know that you two miss each other like…tons! I hear it from both sides. Your friendship can be fixed. You guys are totally fixable. Just give it a chance." 

"Thanks." Angela cried as she gave Rickie a hug.

"No problem." 

"I gotta go." Angela tried to smile. 

"Oh and Angela?" Rickie called after her, "Maybe we could get together sometime…just you and me and talk…because…because I don't want too much space to come between us, ok?" 

Angela smiled. "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine, Rickie. I'll find Rayanne." 

**Angela VO*** _With out like…really good friends to reassure you…well…about you, I don't see how anyone could have any amount of confidence. _

*************************** 

"Cherski!" Brian smiled widely, entering the science lab. 

"Krakow? Why are you smiling?" she blurted. 

"Why can't someone smile? I mean…is that like…a crime?" he said sitting next to her. 

"No…I mean…wait a minute." 

"What?" 

"What's up? It has to do with Angela doesn't it? Your moods totally revolve around the world of Angela. The ocean has the moon controlling it…you have Angela." 

"That's not true!" 

"Oh…it's so true!" 

"Well, it is true that Angela and I are like…a couple now. Like…an actual couple! It's official." 

"Good for you, Krakow." Sharon said sarcastically, "Welcome to the club. You're only like…years behind the rest of us." 

"What are you talking about? Kyle was your first boyfriend and you guys only started dating like…this school year." 

"Whatever." Sharon said, knowing he was right. 

"So…can I like…ask you something?" Brian's voice became low and focused. Sharon narrowed her eyes on him, anticipating whatever it was he needed to know. "How long…I mean…when did you and Kyle first…you know?" Brian bumbled. 

"Brian! Speak English!" 

Brian swallowed, his face beginning to turn a shade of pink. "How long were you two like…dating before you…you…you…" 

"We did it? Is that what you are pathetically trying to ask me?" Sharon stated bluntly. Receiving only a quick nod from Brian she continued. "Brian, I want you to know that it's like…different for different people." 

"But how long…just for example…did you two wait?" 

"A month." "A month!" Brian shouted. 

**Brian VO*** _A month is like…nothing. It's like four weeks. That is like…no time at all. I go to the allergist once a month. I don't think I can fit** that** into the same timetable as getting an allergy shot. I shouldn't even be like comparing these two things. _

"Brian? Don't shout it." 

"Sharon…you…I mean you only waited a month? Is _that_ like…standard?" 

"There is no such thing as standard. That's what I'm trying to tell you." 

"Oh." 

"You and Chase, huh? That's going to take some getting use to." 

"Why?" 

"Because it's you Brian. Sorry for saying this but you're not like…the greatest at human relations." 

"Oh…thanks, Cherski! Thanks a bunch." 

"And, to be honest…the thought of the two of you…doing stuff is really hard to picture. Scratch that! It's almost impossible to fathom."

"Thanks for you honesty." Brian growled, "Just to let you know…we got caught making out on my bed just last night." 

"Poor Angela." Sharon said sincerely. 

**Brian VO*** _Sometimes I wish that Sharon wasn't quite so…**so** honest. She likes to talk a lot too. That combination just doesn't work…at least for me. _


	6. The Day II

**The Day II**

"What?" Graham said, his face reflecting surprise.

"You heard me." Patty nodded. 

"I can't believe it. Brian? As in the Brian that lives across the street…that Brian…Brian Krakow?" 

"Yes, Graham…I spoke to Bernice this afternoon." 

"That just doesn't seem logical." Graham continued, still shocked, "Brian and Angela?" 

"What are we going to do about this?" 

"What do you mean? I don't want to do anything…except maybe…take Brian on a long drive and get some things straight." 

"Graham! Our daughter was caught on top of a boy on his bed. I don't think scaring Brian Krakow is going to help matters."

"What? You think the problem is Angela?" 

"No! No…but we have to talk to her about this." 

"What did Bernice say? Did she say anything to them?" 

"Well, she said…she said she made them go downstairs." 

"But, she didn't say anything to them." 

"She is a psychiatrist…Graham. I think if she felt like something else needed to be said she would have said it."

"What were they doing on his bed in the first place?" Graham raised his voice. 

"That's why we need to talk to her." 

"This is something you're going to have to handle, Patty. I don't think I can." 

"Why?" Patty cried. 

"Because…" Graham gulped, "Because it's like a mother/daughter thing. I don't know what to say to her. I mean…we can't patrol her every minute of the day. You know what it's like to be that age…sneaking around…oh God, I don't even want to imagine. But, Patty…I mean…its Brian Krakow." He smirked. 

**Angela VO*** _My mother has like…this sixth sense. She somehow knows when something has happened. She always knows when I'm in a hurry and that's when she wants to talk or something. She can just sense it. _

"Angela." Patty called as Angela rushed into the house, up the stairs and into her bedroom. 

"Mom, I can't talk. I have something I need to do!" Angela shouted. Turning around she realized her mother was standing behind her. 

"Does it involve Brian Krakow?" Patty asked nervously. 

"What?" Angela asked, slightly insulted. 

"I got a call from Bernice Krakow this afternoon." 

**Angela VO*** _Sixth sense? Maybe, it's not that complicated._

"Oh God." Angela moaned, sitting on her bed.

"Angela…" 

"Mom…don't even start, ok?" 

"Where do I begin…is more like it." 

"I don't have time. I have to find Rayanne. She wasn't at school today." 

"Angela…you can't…you just can't…" 

"I can't what?" 

"You can't hang out on boys beds doing whatever it is…you feel like…doing." 

"That's not what it was like! What did Brian's mom tell you?" 

"She said she found you and Brian…laying on his bed…kissing." She said awkwardly. "When were you even going to tell us about you and Brian?" 

"That's all we were doing. Ok?"

"What if Bernice hadn't walked in on you?" 

"Mom!" 

"You expect me to believe you were just going to kiss…forever?"

"What else would we do?" Angela shouted. 

Downstairs…Brian stood in the hallway, in front of the stairs. Hearing the door, Graham had awkwardly welcomed Brian in without a word. The house was full of yelling, female voices. Graham returned to the kitchen, uncomfortably eyeing Brian. It took Brian a few moments to realize what he had walked in on. His eyes shifted from side to side, carefully listening to the loud voices that flooded the house from above. 

"Oh Angela…you know perfectly well what I am talking about." 

"You think me and Brian were going to like…have sex…right there…right then?" 

"You were on his bed." 

Brian's jaw dropped. Nervously his gaze met Graham's. Graham was without words. Unable to deal with the situation at hand he sighed deeply, giving Brian a fatherly, stern expression. Purely, because that is what he felt he was supposed to do. Brian tried to grin…but he couldn't. His gaze quickly looked away, refocusing on the stairs. 

"It just happened. I don't know what else to say. It wasn't as if I was trying to_ seduce_ him. Which I'm sure is what Bernice told you." 

Brian covered his eyes with his hand, shaking his head. 

**Brian VO*** _I wish it were possible to just like…disappear…just evaporate into the air or something. _

"Why would she tell me that?" 

"I don't know." Angela stated, aware that she had probably said too much. 

"I just want to know you are prepared…for whatever…may happen. I'm not trying to fight with you. I'm just trying to have a civil conversation about responsibility." 

"Mom! You don't need to. Brian and I are not going…we're not like…going to be doing that for a long time…ok?"

"You can't say for sure, Angela. Just like you said…things just happen." 

"Believe me…I'm not in any hurry." Angela sighed. 

"Really?" 

"Really." Angela reassured. 

**Angela VO*** _Then something strange happened. There was a moment…or a pause or something filling the air. And, it was as if…we understood each other…without like…words._

"Please, I have to go and find Rayanne now." 

"Is she in trouble?" 

"I don't…No! I just have to see her because like…dress rehearsals are tonight and…well…she needs to be there." Angela explained rushing out the door pass her mother and to the stairs. Seeing Brian standing at the foot of the stairs, Angela froze. Brian looked awkwardly up at her. 

"Brian?" Angela gasped. 

"Hi…Hey! I just…I…" Brian stumbled, taking a deep breath. "Rickie told me you were going to go look for Rayanne and I thought I'd like…help or whatever." Brian quickly tried to explain. 

"Look, honey…Brian Krakow is here." Graham explained. 

"Did you hear that?" Angela demanded.

"Hear what?" Brian asked defensively, "I didn't hear like…anything. I mean…what do you mean?" It was obvious by the look on Brian's face that he had heard everything.

"You know what I mean!" She declared, walking by him at the foot of the stairs. 

"Angela…" Brian moaned. 

"I need to find Rayanne on my own." 

"If Rayanne is in trouble than why don't you let Brian go with you?" Patty mentioned. 

"Dad!?" Angela protested, "Who said she was in trouble? She's not in any trouble." 

"Well…Rickie mentioned…" Brian began. Receiving an evil glare from Angela he became silent.

"I think…"Graham looked at Brian who quickly looked away, "I think it would be better than going by yourself. I also know I can _trust_ Brian, here, to do the _right_ thing." 

"That's right…Mr. Chase…sir. ." Brian agreed, "I mean…I've got my car…I can drive us around and not like...stop...anywhere along the way." Brian glanced quickly at Graham. "I want to help out. Just let me. Rayanne is like…my friend too…in a way, I guess." 

Angela's expression and demeanor softened. 

**Angela VO*** _This was the part of Brian that I totally took for granted. He was always so willing to help…me…with anything…and I never let him or I belittled him for getting involved. I need to work on that because he never like…really deserved it. _

********************************* 

"I don't know where else to go. This is starting to like…worry me." Angela said, defeated. 

"Uh, maybe we could go by the school and just see if she has shown up. I mean…she might be there. Maybe there's nothing to worry about." 

"Yea…" 

**Angela VO*** _Brian was right about almost everything academic, but he was so off base when it came to like…people. I just hoped he was right this time. _

"Maybe we should have told Rayanne's mom what was going on." Brian suggested. 

"I don't know…I didn't want Amber to worry if like…nothings wrong. You should have seen her when Rayanne was in the hospital. I don't want to see her like that again." 

********************************** 

"Did you find her?" Rickie cried, seeing Brian and Angela approach the stage where students were busy preparing for the night's dress rehearsal. 

"She isn't here?" Angela asked, distressed. 

"Oh my God!" Rickie looked at Brian and back at Angela, "No! I haven't seen her. I thought you guys were going to find her!"

"We've been driving around for hours. I don't know where else to try." Angela admitted. 

"What about Amber? Has she seen her today?" 

"We didn't want to make her like…pointlessly worry." Brian added. 

"Pointlessly worry?! I think _NOW_ is the time to worry. I mean…where is the star of our play? Where is Rayanne Graf?" Rickie yelled. 

"I saw her." A member of the backstage crew said. 

"What? Where?" Angela cried. 

"I saw her at the other end of the school. I thought she was heading this way but, I guess, that was awhile ago." 

"So…she's here!" Rickie declared. 

"Yea, I guess." 

"We have to split up and find her…like now! Mr. Katimsky is going to be here in like…less than an hour! Angela…you take the science hall. I'll take the English hall and library and Brian…you take the cafeteria and main offices." 


	7. The Day III - The Search and Secrets

**The Day III - Search and Secrets**

**Brian VO*** _I don't know what it is about being at school at night…when the lights are out and like…no one is around but…it's like you're not at school at all. It's this other place completely unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It's odd. _

"Rayanne?" Brian whispered timidly. Entering the cafeteria and its massive emptiness, Brian became even more timid. "Why couldn't Angela have come with me? I mean…we could have checked this out together. It's dark…that's romantic. It could have worked. I mean this is totally…" Brian paused looking around nervously, "totally gross. Who am I kidding?" Brian said to himself. 

At that moment Brian saw a shadow move in the kitchen area. Seeing the movement, Brian jumped, his heart racing. "Rayanne?" he whispered, rounding the corner of the kitchen doorway.

"Krakow!" 

"Aaaaaaaaaaagh!" Brian screamed feeling someone approach him from behind. 

"Krakow? Why are you so jumpy? Stop it!" Rayanne screamed, jumping too.

"What are you doing here Graf? Everyone is like…worried about you!" 

"No one worries about me, silly boy." Rayanne smiled, "Besides I got hungry and the kitchen is where they store the food." Rayanne patted Brian on the stomach as she tried the pantry door. Pulling it over and over as hard as she could, the door would not open. 

"Well, they usually like…lock that over night." 

"Yes…I am aware of that." 

"Graf…they need you in the theater. You know…final rehearsal is tonight?" 

"I bet you know some clever way to get into the pantry don't you Krakow?" 

"What? Uh…" Brian thought about it for a second. "No I don't! I mean…are you even listening to me? We've been like…looking for you all night! And, all you can think about is food? Angela and Rickie are like…seriously worried!" 

"Krakow?" Rayanne said sweetly, approaching him slowly. 

"What?" 

"Why are you here anyway?"

"What? I told you…" Brian began as Rayanne interrupted by pressing her lips to his, pushing him backwards, kissing him firmly. "Wait! Stop!" Awkwardly pushing her away, Brian gasped for air. "What's wrong with you?" he blushed. "Is it like…your goal to make out with every guy Angela dates?"

"That is so not funny!" Rayanne pointed, slightly stumbling. "Well, actually the fact that she's dating you is." Rayanne laughed.

"Are you…are you drunk?" Brian asked innocently. 

"You know…you're not as smart as I thought you were. Of course I am! I am Rayanne Graf! I get drunk. I am totally unreliable. That's who I am! That's what I do! Don't you know that?"

"Oh my God." Brian whispered, sighing. 

"I mean…I have like…no friends anyway. So, why does it matter?"

"Why does it matter? You are the lead of Our Town! You have a responsibility to like…be in the play. Opening night is this weekend." 

"I don't even want to be in the play anymore." 

"I don't believe you." 

"What?"

"Why else would you even be here? I mean…you're roaming around school after hours. No one does that, especially you. And…and…people who have like…other people go around and search for them all day…they like…have friends…really good friends." 

"No…you're wrong." Rayanne's eyes began to fill with water, making her more upset. "What do you know about having friends anyway? You are totally clueless." 

**Brian VO*** _Graf had a point. Even drunk…she had like…points. Which blows my mind. _

"Well…you wrote that letter to Angela. I thought you…I mean…that was a giant step at like reconciling with her. Why do you think…?" 

"What are you talking about Krakow?" she asked coldly. 

"The letter. The letter you gave Angela the other day. I mean…the grammar could have used improving but it wasn't…you know that bad. What I'm saying is that Angela appreciated it." 

"I didn't write Angela a letter." 

"What? No…Rickie said you did." 

"I was planning on it…but I haven't like…gotten around to it yet."

"Then who wrote the letter?" 

******************************* 

"Rayanne? Are you back here?" Angela called, her voice echoing through the empty, dark hallway. "Please…tell me you are." 

"Angela?" a voice from the darkness asked, making Angela jump. She remained motionless, watching the body emerge from the shadows…a cigarette hanging from their mouth. 

"Jordan? What are you doing here?" Angela finally asked. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Well…uh…there are final rehearsals…" Angela shook her head, trying to get to the point. "Have you like…seen Rayanne?" 

"Why would I have seen Rayanne?"

"Well, she's missing. Look…nevermind. If you haven't seen her than I need to go." Angela turned to leave. 

"Angela?" 

"Why are you here?" She asked again turning back around to face him. 

"Uh…Shane's girlfriend is working on the play. We came to pick her up but I didn't want to like…go in there, in the theater and all. So, I thought I would wait out here for them." 

"Oh. On the other side of the school?" 

"Can I talk to you about something…." 

"Yea, I guess." 

**Angela VO***_ There was this awkward pause, an awkward moment of complete silence where neither of us could think of any words. It reminded me of our entire relationship._

"About Brain…I mean I've seen you with him and it's like…obvious that something is going on. I never would have guessed the two of you…." He shook his head, looking at the ground for a second, unable to finish his sentence. "It's true that I got him to write that letter and all but…but I never expected that he felt the same way I did. I wasn't trying to take advantage of anybody. And, you and him…it doesn't matter…is all I'm saying. It like…completely doesn't matter." He shrugged helplessly. 

"The same way?" 

"You know…Brain…he was able to write down these great words. I could have never come up with the stuff he did…but in a way…I don't know…I felt them. I mean…it wasn't a lie because that is how I felt. I just wanted you to know that…that I tried to make up for it." 

"Jordan?" 

"That's why I wrote you that letter. In some way I guess I thought it could change things…stupid huh? It's not as good as the first one but I did write it…myself." 

"You wrote me that letter? I thought…I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything…ok?" 

"Jordan…?" Angela began to softly cry. The tears forming in her eyes could not be held back any longer.

"No! Listen…I know I screwed up whatever we might have had and I totally took you for granted and I'm sorry. You just…the way you are…just took me by surprise. And, I know you are with Brain now so don't say anything. Don't try to like…explain it to me because it already sucks too much." 

****************************** 

"You mean…Angela got another letter?" Rayanne asked, beginning to hysterically laugh.

"It isn't funny!" 

"Yes it is. Look at you…you are so totally jealous!" 

"Shut up!" 

"You know who wrote her the letter don't you?" Rayanne blurted. Brian said nothing. He only glared helplessly at Rayanne who was obviously amused. "It was Catalano. He wants her back." 

"Listen…I know! I should have figured it out after I saw all the misspellings." Brian yelled, "If you want to stay here and waste your time trying to break into the school cafeteria…go ahead. I'm tired of talking to you." 

"Krakow…wait…wait a second." 

"What?" 

"Do you like…really think that…I have friends? Did you guys really spend all day looking for me?" 

"Yes…yea…people that are like…your friends were worried about you all day. Why wouldn't you have friends?" 

"Because of what I did…you know…with Catalano." 

"You're right…that was a horrible, thoughtless thing." Brian emphasized as Rayanne's eyes narrowed on him, "And, though I completely don't understand it or condone it…you still have friends, but what you're doing right now is _so_ selfish. Rickie was depending on you tonight and he's freaking out. You need to sober up and get over there to the theater! You need to like…stop thinking about yourself for once because like…certain people need you!" 

A small grin grew across Rayanne's face as her expression began to brighten. "Krakow…you're cute when you're angry. Sometimes it's like you're from another planet or something and you totally get on my nerves… but sometimes you like…fit." She leaned in, kissed him on the cheek and rushed off.

"Uh...thanks...i think. Where are you going?" 

"Where do you think?" she smiled, her demeanor completely changed.

"You're not drunk are you?" he shouted at her, looking perplexed.

"Of course not…silly boy." She winked at him from across the room. "I've been completely sober for weeks. You think I'm insanely stupid?" Brian opened his mouth trying to answer but was interrupted. "Final rehearsals are tonight! Don't you know that?" She left the room laughing, leaving Brian alone trying to figure out exactly all that had just happened. 

**Brian VO*** _I don't know what just happened and I don't think I want to know. Girls never fail in making **me** feel…well…completely stupid. Or maybe it's mostly Rayanne Graf. _


	8. Power of Letters

*Thanks for all the great feedback! i know it took me awhile to get this chapter out...sorry.

**The Power of Letters**

**Angela VO*** _Why was I having such a hard time thinking of something to say? Everything about Jordan Catalano both confused and interested me and I was tired of being interested. But, I didn't know how to like…stop being interested. _

"You know you were the one who did this." Angela said tearfully. 

"I know."

"It's not my fault it turned out this way." 

"I know."

"I mean you were the one who…who…with Rayanne…" 

"I know! Ok? I know!" 

"Then why do I feel like this? I feel guilty." 

"Well, you shouldn't." 

"You hurt me." 

"I'm sorry." Jordan bluntly stated. 

"Me too." 

**Angela VO*** _I always hated when someone followed "I'm sorry" with "me too". My parents did that a lot like…you're sorrow wasn't enough sorrow for the situation. They had to be sorry too. But, now I could understand it. _

"Jordan? I guess…we can still be…" Angela started, but was quickly interrupted by Jordan leaning forward and kissing her, holding her face in his hands. Caught off guard, Angela instantly pushed him away. "Why do keep doing that? You always interrupt me. You're timing is totally off!" 

"I know." 

"Stop! Just stop saying that. How do I know you know? I don't think you do know. Otherwise, why would you like…be kissing me and everything after I already told you…after you already know that we're over?" 

"What were you going to say…when I interrupted you?" 

"What?" Angela asked, bothered. "I was going to say…maybe, we could still be friends or something. What difference does it make?" 

"I just…I thought you were going to say like…something different…that's all." 

"Like what?"

"It doesn't matter. Look…I'll leave you alone now." Jordan began to walk away. 

"No…what did you think I was going to say?" Angela repeated. 

"Angela? I wish things could have been different. You know? With like…us. I don't know…I don't know…you like let me see something that no one else has…" 

Jordan stopped as they heard footsteps coming down the hall. Turning the corner, suddenly Brian appeared. Seeing Angela with Jordan, he stopped and just looked at them. 

**Angela VO*** _Now was like…one of those moments that only happen in dreams. I think they call that surreal or something. Standing in an abandoned, dark hallway halfway between Jordan and Brian, as if it were an old western shootout…they were waiting for me to choose a side or get out of the way. _

With a look of defeat on his face, Brian turned and left heading the way he had come, never saying a word. 

**Angela VO*** _Except…it wasn't guns they were using…it was their hearts. _

Angela sighed, glancing over at Jordan. He could tell she was about to leave. He could tell that she was going to go after Brian. 

"Angela?"

"Yea?" 

"Thanks. I never told you thanks." Jordan nodded.

"Jordan?" she cried. 

**Angela VO*** _Jordan got his wish. I didn't know how to explain it to him…I couldn't. I just knew I had already chosen a side and he was halfway to the English hall by now._

"I know." Jordan shrugged, nodding. 

Angela just smiled slightly, turned and disappeared from his sight. Left standing in the empty hall, Jordan had never felt more alone. He took the cigarette that had been smoked down to the butt, from his mouth and threw it against the wall forcefully. 

"Brian." She called, but he didn't stop walking. "Brian, wait…" she repeated. Catching up to him she grabbed his arm, making him stop.

********************************* 

"Hey Vasquez." Rayanne said as she entered the theater. 

"Where have you been?" Rickie asked, emotionally drained. 

"I was…just trying to like grab some grub…you know?" 

"No! Where have you been all day? You weren't at school and I thought you had…had just vanished or whatever. Then some kid…that I don't even know the name of…informs me that you are indeed in the building and I'm supposed to think _"Oh wow, at least she's alive and like…in the building. But, for some reason she isn't at rehearsals."_ And, I call this search party in fear that something truly horrible has happened…" 

"Calm down Vasquez! You've really got to like…cut down your caffeine intake."

"I seriously thought something had happened to you…Rayanne!" 

"You were really worried, huh?" Rayanne smiled. 

"What are you talking about…of course I was…but like now I see you're fine and I wonder why I bother…" 

"You don't full me. I love you…you know that?" Rayanne kissed Rickie on the cheek. 

"Uh…well…yes…ok." 

"I'm here…let's rehearse! Wait…I need my costume…makeup!" Rayanne yelled heading back stage. 

"Did you like…see Brian or Angela?" Rickie asked, but it went unheard. 

"Where was she at?" Delia asked, coming up behind Rickie.

"I have no idea. I'm just glad that she's like…ok." 

"So…this is like…a good thing." 

"Well, now I have to call a search party for my search party." Rickie sighed, noticing the look of confusion upon Delia's face. "Angela and Brian." He clarified. 

"I mean…I guess I can go try to find them." 

"No, Delia…you don't have to do that. I'm sure wherever they are…they're like there…on purpose." Delia shot Rickie another look, "You know what I mean…right?" Rickie tried to explain. Delia just smiled at him.

********************************** 

"What? I mean, I didn't mean to interrupt you and Catalano." Brian tried to quickly shrug as if he didn't care. There was a moment of silence between the two. "I found Rayanne. That's I wanted to say…anyway." 

"Was she ok?"

"Yes…yea…it was just weird. I don't want to like…go into details…about the situation and all because it's so not necessary, but at least she's at the theater now…so…" Brian nervously explained. "So…why was Catalano here. Is he like…breaking and entering or something?" 

"What?" Angela cringed, "No…Brian…I got to tell you something…" 

**Brian VO***_ I knew what she was going to tell me. I wasn't sure if I wanted her to explain it to me. Maybe I did. Maybe I wanted her to like…tell me all the rotten, horrible things she thought about Jordan Catalano even if she had to make them up. I usually set myself up for disappointment like that, but I mean…that's my thing…that's what I do. _

"Rayanne didn't write me that other letter." 

"Jordan did…right?" Brian sighed, shifting his weight. 

"Well…yea…right." 

"And, we know how much you like letters." Brian's eyes narrowed on her. 

"I wouldn't expect you to understand, Krakow." 

"I understand…I understand that you were totally in love with him for like…ever and now that he's written his own letter you want to give him a second chance!" Brian yelled. Angela said nothing. "I mean…is that what you're going to do?" Brian asked more inquisitively. 

"You know…just because someone writes a letter doesn't mean I'm like…going to give them a second chance. It doesn't work that way." 

"Then how does it work?" 

"I don't know! I don't know how any of _this_ works. I just know…how I feel. And, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't give me a hard time about it…about the letter anymore because maybe one letter did make me see things differently but it wasn't really the letter…you see? It was…it was you…and maybe, partly me." 

**Brian VO*** _I didn't know what to say to her. For the first time, she said** something**…and it came out perfectly. _

"So…did you just like…think of that all by yourself?" Brian asked with a sheepish grin. 

Angela smiled and rolled her eyes. 

**Angela VO*** _Maybe…just maybe words and letters aren't that powerful. Maybe it's more than just words on paper that have like…significant meaning. I think…now…it's more about the people behind those pieces of paper and those certain words that make it all seem…life changing. _


	9. Elements

*This chapter is told all from Brian's point of view. As i hope you guys found out i wasn't able to update for the past week because Fanfic.net was having some problems. Sorry for the wait...but it wasn't my fault this time ; ) i hope you like it! And, thanks again for the feedback!

**Elements**

**Brian VO***_ I couldn't believe that like…I was making out with Angela Chase in the girls bathroom. How we got in here…I'm not sure. It's strange where kissing can lead you. It just doesn't seem possible sometimes that I would be here. Not here amongst empty bathroom stalls…I mean here with Angela. But, I couldn't believe how clean the girl's bathroom was compared to the boys. I can't believe that I'm like…analyzing and comparing bathrooms while kissing. _

"Are you sure we can like…be in here?" Brian asked in between kisses. 

"I think we're safe." 

"I wasn't like…worried or anything." 

"Good." 

**Brian VO*** _We were using short sentences. Which **was** good. _

"Are you ok?" Angela giggled as they awkwardly moved un-separated and Brian's back hit against the wall, slamming his head against the cold, hard tiles. 

"Uh…yea…perfect." 

**Brian VO***_ Her hand was now resting on the back of my head protecting me from the tile…like…she really cared. Like, she was worried I would hurt myself again. She didn't understand that, at this point, it didn't matter because I could only feel her lips. _

"You kiss like…amazing." Brian mumbled. 

"You smell like…like cherries." 

"I think that's the air freshener, over by the sinks." 

"Oh…" Angela smiled, "That's new." 

"Which is pretty lucky because the boys bathroom stinks like…constantly. I don't know how it's possible or why they can't put an air freshener in there or at least clean it once a year?" 

"Brian?" 

"Yea?" 

"Shut-up." Angela said shaking her head and kissing him again. 

**Brian VO*** _I was still prone to saying stupid, unnecessary stuff but now there was the best reason for me to like…not talk…ever again. Then something began to happen and I don't think it was really my fault. I don't know. I don't know if it was like…ok or normal but my hands started moving on their own like…without my permission and doing things…I guess…in a subconscious way…I wanted. _

"Brian!" Angela yelled. 

"What? What? I'm sorry!" Brian yelled back, his hands recoiling and lifting into the air as if he had a gun to his back. 

**Brian VO*** _Suddenly, for the first time, I felt the painful cold of the tile against my back. It was as if I had a body again…not just a pair of lips._

"Listen…I don't think we are like…at that stage." 

"How am I supposed to know? I don't know anything about stages. I don't know what I'm doing!" 

"Well, we're not doing that…quite yet!" 

"I'm sorry." 

**Brian VO*** _There was a long pause and I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. Maybe she was thinking about what I was thinking. And then in a way…we'd both really know what we were thinking. But that's stupid…to actually give that thought. _

"Brian? Have you ever like…wondered…what it would be like to actually _BE_ with someone? Like, _completely_?"

"What? Uh…I don't know. I mean…have you?" Brian asked defensively, thrown by her question. 

**Brian VO*** _She was still standing like…really close to me which made it clear that I will **never** know what Angela is thinking. _

"Have you?" Brian repeated. 

The bathroom door flung open and both Rickie and Delia fell into the room, laughing. Catching the first glimpse at Brian and Angela the laughter stopped, creating an awkward silence engulfing the four. Angela took a few steps back while Brian continued to stand frozen with a guilty expression on his face. 

"Hi! Hey!" Rickie declared.

"Hey…uh…hi!" Brian replied, looking at Delia. 

"See, I told you they didn't want to be found." Rickie said to Delia. 

"Uh…Brian just had something in his eye and I…was just…" Angela sighed, knowing her excuse was worthless, "trying to see what it was." 

"Yea! I was like…in pain." Brian tried to continue. 

"Oh yea…right…in pain huh? In the girls bathroom?" Rickie nodded. "Look…we'll leave and let you explore what's in Brian's eyes some more." Rickie and Delia laughed, though it was obvious that Delia was a little uncomfortable. 

"Did Rayanne…I mean did she make it to the theater?" Brian asked before they left. 

"Yea…did you find her?" 

"Yes…she was like…trying to get into the cafeteria pantry or something."

"Don't they like…keep that locked at night?" Delia asked as she went over to the sinks and began washing her hands. 

"Well, whatever you said to her…it worked. She is like all psyched not just about the play but about…other things…you know?" 

"She is?" Brian and Angela said at the same time. 

"Hey! Did you guys notice it smells like cherries in here? That's weird!" Rickie said as he backed his way out of the room.

"Rickie…wait!" Angela called, running up to him. "I need to ask you about something." 

"Yea?" Rickie asked, walking out into the hallway. 

"Hi." Brian said, still standing in the same spot. "This bathroom is like…pretty nice for a public facility…isn't it?" 

"Brian, please. Spare me." Delia said walking away. 

**Brian VO*** _You know when people like…take palm trees out of their natural habitat and they transplant them in these weird locations because they like...really like them. They never grow because they are like…out of their element. In fact they usually wither and die. Being alone in the girls bathroom wasn't too different than that…for me. _

"So…I guess…Krakow is a good kisser?" Rickie asked, "Who would have thought."

"Rickie…was Rayanne really ok?" 

"Yea…she didn't really want to talk about where she'd been all day, but…I mean…you know Rayanne. She hadn't been drinking though. If that's what you're asking." 

"Do you think I should still talk to her…tonight?" 

"She's still in the theater. You should go and find her." 

"Really?"

"Yes! So, I bet Brian is like this Don Juan in awkward boy clothing…isn't he?" 

"Uh…what?" Angela smiled, slightly cringing. 

"No? Uh…right. You're probably right. I'm stretching." 

"Can you tell Brian that I'm going to go find Rayanne?" 

"Sure. No problem." 

"Is Brian still in there?" Rickie asked as Delia came out into the hallway.

"He's like frozen or something. It's odd. Does he act like that often?" 

"Actually…that's not so odd…well, for Brian." 

"Brian?" Rickie called, "What are you doing?" 

"Waiting for Angela. Is she like…coming back?"

"Uh…no. She went to go find Rayanne." 

"I can't believe…you like…hang out in here on a regular basis."

"The boys bathroom stinks." 

"So…how are things like…going with you and Delia? Is she still right outside?"

"Uh…yea and yes, things are going really good…with her. I mean…as well as can be expected…if you know what I mean." 

"Uh…yea…right." Brian nodded, "Then can I ask you a question…about girls?" 

"Brian…hello…I think you're asking the wrong guy."

"But, I mean…you hang out with girls all the time. You have to know something. I'm sure you know certain things better than me…in certain ways." 

"I guess."

"Angela just asked me if I ever…if I have like…thought about being with someone before…like _completely_. That means something right? I mean…that is definitely something?"

"She said that?" 

"Is that weird…for like…Angela I mean?" 

"Well, considering she never brought that up when she was seeing Catalano…who was here at the school tonight for some reason that totally makes no sense. I would say sure…yes." 

"Really?!" Brian's voice cracked.

**Brian VO*** _This was pushing me way out of **my** element. _

"You must have had something pretty serious in your eye." 

"Yea…right." Brian smiled awkwardly, "Something serious." 


	10. Secrets

**The Secret**

**Angela VO*** _I don't know exactly how much time I spent thinking about what I'd be when I was older…a lot I suppose. I was always a nurse or teacher. Sometimes I'd even want to be a pilot. It never occurs to you…that when you grow up it's not what you'll be…it's who you'll be. And, that's suddenly what you want to be when you grow up…an entirely different person. _

Angela was lying across her bed, her knees up against her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy. There was only the constant sound of sniffling filling the room. It had gotten pretty late, but she wasn't tired. Instead she felt paralyzed by the thoughts that ran through her head. 

Angela VO* When I first met Rayanne…all I wanted…was to be like her. She was so…not me and that's what I like about her. We were different but it somehow worked, but now…now we're still different and it's just not…like working at all.

"Angela?" 

"Mom, I don't feel like talking right now."

"Angela, Brian is downstairs. Why didn't you tell me he didn't bring you home?" 

"I walked." 

"It's late. I don't want you walking around at this hour."

"I know! I just needed to be alone." 

"Did…did something happen between you and Brian?" 

**Angela VO*** _Something had happened between Brian and I…but that was making me feel a whole other range of emotions. _

"No…" 

"Then what's wrong?" 

"Mom…" Angela moaned as if she wanted to talk to her mother, as if she wanted to tell her everything she was going through and thought about. "I can't really talk about it. I mean…it's nothing really." 

"Oh…ok…well, Brian is here so…" 

"Mom…have you ever…" Angela began as her mother began to walk away, making her sit back down. "Have you ever thought that you knew someone like…really well and it turns out that you never really knew them at all…and they do these things you never imagined they would do? It's just really scary…in a way and…and…" 

"Honey…" Patty sighed. She knew exactly what Angela meant. Feeling it almost everyday in their own house…with her own husband. It broke her heart that her own daughter was feeling it too, so young.

"It's like…you trust certain people and I don't know…" Angela shrugged beginning to cry again. "You only have a certain amount of trust to offer and once it's broken or betrayed…it's as if you become this like…different person because you can't offer it anymore." 

"Trust…that's a tricky thing." Patty nodded, "It's kinda like faith. You can't really see it or understand it or even explain it. It's just a feeling that you have. It's a part of you. Angela, you are so special. You have so much to offer these certain people. Don't let one…incident break that out of you. It's not as bad as you might think." 

"How do you know?" 

"I don't know for sure…I just have faith in you…is all." Patty smiled, but inside she was feeling hypocritical and it hurt. She did have faith in Angela but not in Graham and she knew that wasn't right. "I'm going to send Brian up. Er…uh…do you want to see Brian?" 

"Ok." Angela whispered, as she tried to wipe the tears out from under her eyes. 

"Where did you go tonight?" Brian immediately barked, "I thought you went to go find Graf. Then when I finally find her again…you're not there. You're not anywhere!" 

"Brian…" 

"No! I looked around that stupid school for two hours for you." 

"You didn't need to do that."

"Well, that's like…obvious now! You arrived with me I think…I think you should have left with me." Brian's voice softened as he noticed Angela's demeanor. 

"I couldn't ok?" 

"Are you going to like…tell me what's wrong?" Brian asked sincerely, wanting to sit on the bed with her but too nervous to attempt it. "Or should I guess?" there was a pause and Brian knew she wasn't going to talk. "Did you talk to Rayanne?"

"No." 

"Why? I thought…" 

"I just couldn't. I got to the theater and I saw her…but I couldn't open my mouth."

"I mean…that's ok." 

"No, Brian, it isn't. I saw Rayanne and I looked at her. I couldn't talk because I wasn't sure if I even cared anymore. I mean…I was looking at her and it was as if she was this person I didn't even know anymore. It scared me." She cried. 

"Uh…Angela…"

**Brian VO*** _Why couldn't I think of anything to say? I like…say things all the time. It wasn't as if I couldn't think of something comforting. I couldn't think of anything at all! _

"I miss the way things used to be." 

**Brian VO*** _The way things used to be…me at my house staring into Angela's bedroom…not me actually in Angela's bedroom. _

Angela stood up. "Do you ever do that…ever think about that?" 

"No…not really." Brian said uneasily. 

**Brian VO*** _She was trying to talk to me but I couldn't pay attention. Even though Angela had like…this horrible, sad face…I mean…the pink eyes, snotty nose and all…she still was like…really pretty. _

"That's it…you're right!" Angela suddenly exploded, after an obvious moment of contemplation. 

"Huh? What?" Brian moaned, his trance broken. "I'm right about what?" 

"I mean…why can't I just talk to her?"

"Uh-huh." 

"I don't have a thing for Jordan Catalano anymore. Nor, do I want one." 

"That's good." Brian rolled his eyes. 

"So…why is there this built up tension between us?" Angela questioned. Brian opened his mouth only to be interrupted by Angela who was basically speaking to herself. "Because…because…" 

"Because she broke any and all trust you had in her?" Brian said as if it were obvious. 

"Don't you see? I think we are both afraid to be friends again because we know things won't be the way they used to be. But…but that _IS_ ok! Things have changed. Things need to change between like…people." 

"Right!" Brian agreed. "I like…totally find that to be true…but…" 

"I was always so ready for change in my life. I mean…that's why I became friends with Rayanne to begin with…" 

"It is?"

"Why can't I like…let our relationship change too? It would be silly to think it wouldn't…you know…eventually anyway. I've been feeling so betrayed and maybe a part of me still does but that will never change if we don't talk…if we don't try to be friends again." 

"Angela?" 

"Thanks…Brian. You're not as bad as I thought when it comes to dispensing advice. You're like…kinda good at it." 

"Why is it the compliments I've received lately seem more like criticisms?" Brian mumbled, but Angela was not paying attention. 

"What?" 

"Nothing! Angela? I need to say something…" 

"You know I feel a lot better and I have…partially you to thank for it." She smiled. 

"Partially?" Brian said wanting to know the other part that contributed. "No…Angela…." Angela hugged him, making him partially forget what he needed to say. Closing his eyes and absorbing her smell, Brian went momentarily brain-dead. "Angela? I need to tell you something." 

"You do?" Angela smiled, gently kissing him on the neck.

"Oh my god…" Brian sighed. "Your parents are like…in the next room. They are still awake." 

"Relax Krakow…I'm not going to pounce you right here." Hearing the word pounce come out of Angela's mouth and knowing she was referring to him…made Brian's eyes glaze over…perhaps even go brain-dead again. "Angela wait!" he grabbed the sides of her arms. 

"What?" 

"I did something." 

"What do you mean…did something?" 

"I…I …" Brian sighed, "It was totally an accident." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Don't like…hate me or anything…ok?" Brian took a few steps back. His nostrils were flared, as they often do when Brian is nervous or intimidated…making Angela more nervous. 

"Hate? That's a pretty strong word."

"I know." Brian grumbled. 


	11. Paralyzed

* Sorry for the long absence! This site was having some problems then i went on vacation...but now i'm back and should be updating regularly again. Thanks alot to all who gave feedback and who review regularly. i probably wouldn't update this as often if i didn't know people were actually reading it. Thanks!

**Paralyzed**

"What did you do?" Angela asked, her voice a bit shaky. 

"First…when you asked me if I had ever thought about…like being with anyone…Do you like…remember that?" 

"Brian!" 

"You never answered me. Well, I mean you technically asked the question but I asked you if you in return because I…I didn't really have an answer…but you've obviously been thinking about it. So…I was just wondering." Brian stammered, trying to finish his thought in one breath. 

"Brian! What!" Angela shook her head. "Why are you bringing that up now?" 

"Well…because…I've like been thinking about it _none stop_." 

"What did you do Krakow? Just tell me!"

"Ok…ok." Brian gulped and took a breath. "I said something to Ricky." He suddenly blurted and waited for Angela's reaction. 

**Brian VO*** _She's not responding. Is this like…a test? Because I've never felt so poorly prepared…for like a test._

"So?" 

"What do you mean _SO_? Are you not listening to me? I like…let something slip! Don't you get it? He knows we know about him seeing a psychiatrist." Brian repeated. 

**Brian VO*** _Then it happened. It was now clear…by like her expression…that I had failed the test that Angela or Rickie or the entire human race, for that matter, had given me. _

"You didn't!" 

"I…I…yes I did." 

"What were you thinking?" 

"I don't know! I definitely wasn't thinking." Brian agreed, trying to avoid a fight.

"What did you say?"

"We were just talking, after you had like…completely abandoned me in the girls bathroom…" 

"That's not fair! Don't make this my fault!" 

"Well…that's when it came out ok!" Brian yelled back, "I was so thrown by like…your question that my head was all numb or something." 

"Krakow…that is like the dumbest thing I have ever heard!" 

"Listen…if it wasn't for you snooping through my mom's stuff…we would never know and…and we wouldn't be like having this discussion!" Brain yelled. 

"Is everything alright in here?" Graham asked poking his head into Angela's bedroom. Angela and Brian froze, both looking stunned by his sudden presence, as if they had forgotten what time it was and where they were all together. 

"Mr. Chase!" Brian blushed. "I'm sorry…I…I better go." 

"No! No, don't let me interrupt. It's just that it's pretty late and you guys are…well you know…yelling." Graham said awkwardly. 

"It's nothing really, Dad. Brian will be leaving soon. I promise." Angela's eyes narrowed on Brian.

"Well…if you guys need anything…" Graham looked at Brian, making him wither, "Just let me know." 

"Ok." Angela half-heartedly smiled. 

"Bye…Mr. Chase." Brian awkwardly waved, but Graham didn't notice. 

"How did Rickie react? I mean, was he…?" Angela quickly asked in a much quieter tone. 

"Angela…he kinda got this dazed look on his face and for the first time since I've like…known him he didn't have anything to say. You know? He just stood there staring at me and then he left." 

"He just left?" 

"That's what I said isn't it?" 

"You didn't try to go after him?" Angela declared. 

"What? What do you mean? What did you want me to say to him? I mean…he was obviously like…annoyed or ashamed or something and it looks really bad on me you know? It looks like I rummage through my mom's office…like I do things like that on a regular basis? I mean that's what he's going to think!" 

"It's just like you to turn this into a personal catastrophe of yours." 

"Well isn't it?" Brian yelled. Realizing the volume of his voice and the anger on Angela's face made him quickly tone it down once more. "Well?" he whispered, " Rickie has become like a friend of mine. Excuse me if you haven't like…noticed that, but he is and now he's probably so upset with me that…I don't know…I don't know what to do." Brian sighed as he sat on the edge of Angela's bed. 

**Angela VO*** _I guess I had noticed Rickie and Brian becoming like…actual friends. But, it was weird to think of Brian actually having friends. Brian was typically not very good with like…people. _

"We need to go find him." Angela declared. 

"It's too late tonight, Angela." 

**Angela VO*** _It's almost unbearable when you have something aching to get out…words that need to be said but can't because that other person is like…not there. They are like…unreachable at that moment. It's paralyzing…in a way. The endless possibilities of what Rickie might be thinking or doing…overwhelmed me. _

"I can't handle this feeling over night." Angela admitted. 

"Feeling? What feeling?" Brian asked, completely lost.

"Feeling totally paralyzed." Angela began pacing back and forth in her room, thinking. 

"What are you talking about, Chase?" 

"You know that feeling when you need to say something to someone…but you can't for whatever reason." 

"Uh…yea." Brian admitted, his gaze awkwardly hitting the floor. 

**Brian VO*** _Was she like...joking? That is my life!_

"In this case it's because I can't reach Rickie, but I need to." 

"Call him."

"I don't think this is like…something you should try to do over the phone, Brian." 

"Right." Brian said sarcastically. 

"You know what I need to do right?" Angela asked uneasily.

*********************************

"Do you think we should really go to bed. I mean Brian is still her you know?" Graham said uneasily watching Patty crawl into bed.

"Brian is still here?" 

"How could you let him stay in Angela's bedroom at this time of night?" 

"Angela was upset…I thought he could possibly cheer her up. God knows we are not the best in that category." 

"Brian…cheer her up? What do you mean _we're_ not very good in that category?" 

"You know they are dating now?" Patty spoke, her eyes implanted into the book she was reading.

"Yes! I think I got that after we heard about their make-out session on Brian's bed…another reason why we shouldn't be allowing him to be here. It's past midnight! Do the Krakows not care where their teenage son is, honestly!" 

"If it's bothering you…go and ask him to leave." 

"So this is completely ok with you?" 

"Graham…out of all the guys Angela could be dating…aren't you happy she's dating Brian? I mean it's Brian Krakow. I think we can trust him. He's too nervous to try anything." Patty smiled to herself. Graham sat on the edge of the bed seriously contemplating asking Brian to leave. 

"I poked my head in there earlier…" 

"Graham!" Patty said sternly, "So? So, what were they doing?" Patty then asked trying not to act as interested as she really felt. 

"They were yelling." He stated dryly. 

"Oh." 

"Brian Krakow." Graham smiled, shaking his head and finally crawling into bed. "You're right! It's Brian Krakow." He laughed. 

**************************

"Is this a trick question? Because I can think of a lot of things…" Brian blushed. 

"I'll have to sneak out tonight and go over to Mr. Katimsky's." 

"Sneak out!" Brian blurted loudly, forcing Angela to momentarily cover his mouth with her hand. "Angela…we're talking about waiting only eight hours to see him at school tomorrow." 

"What if he doesn't show up?" 

"He's gotta show up. I mean it's _school_." Brian said innocently.

"Well…you're not coming anyway. So, it doesn't concern you." 

"What? What do you mean I'm not coming?" 

**Angela VO*** _It's so strange all the different ways people care for one another. Whether it's through talking, listening, searching out someone to make sure they are all right or following someone sneaking out to make sure they're not alone. _


End file.
